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My Awesome Weekend of Awesomeness

To start, I had an EXCELLENT weekend.

My best friend, Paxton, his wife, Katrina, and their 6-month old daughter, Paxton Charlotte, were in town from Oklahoma; I've known Paxton since third grade.

We spent a day at the coast. We started off in Tillamook, at the cheese factory. We then crawled up to Canon Beach, walked out by Haystack Rock, and spent a little while there. It was absolutely beautiful out there and I was very happy that I was able to do it. I've needed it.

Next we stopped in at Mo's for dinner. Mmmmm... Clam chowder.

We ended the day in Seaside and walked around downtown for a little while and headed home.

We then had boys night scheduled. Paxton, his brother, Frank, and I bought a bottle of rum and played poker for quite some time. I finally talked them into karaoke at McQueens.

I did my first song, Toby Keith - Stays in Mexico. I was known the rest if the night as Toby Keith guy.

I put in for my next song, Thunder Rolls. It was getting late (for married guys and daddies) so I took the boys home after that song.

There was a trio of friends sitting near the entrance. One was a Michael Clarke Duncan look alike; I found out later that he used to be a bouncer. Shortly after we got to the bar, he asked us if we were going to sing, shook or hands and gave us "bro hugs". Cool guy.

On our way out of the bar the group called out to us to the effect of "where you going?" I told them I had to get the kids home and that I'd be back. Ten minutes later, I returned.

It was about 12:30 by now. I put in for one more song, Friends In Low Places the live version. After rocking that, I sat back and enjoyed the rest of the performances till they closed down karaoke.

I stepped out the back door to have a smoke; I do that when I drink. The big guy was dancing along with several other patrons so I took a few candid pictures. The big guy asked to take some pics for me so I stayed outside smoking.

This cute gal, big guys friend, came out for a picture opportunity. She put her arms around me and I could feel her staring at me with expectation. I looked and she was all puckered up so I gave her a kiss for the picture. After seeing the result, I said, "we can do better." So we did. Probably the craziest thing I'd ever done; make out with a complete stranger.

She had to go back in to pay her tab so I stuck around to at least say good night, cuz I'm a gentleman like that.

I stood outside and chit chatted with her friends; I found out big guys name is also Michael. He even joked that he was little Mike and I was big Mike.

This lady, with whom I made out with five minutes earlier, returned. She asked if I wanted to go back to big Mikes place and play some bones. I didn't know what that was at the time... So they told me and I said, "what the hell. Let's do it." That ended up being the craziest thing I'd ever done; going to a stranger's house. I even joked about wanting them to promise not to murder me; I've seen a lot of movies. :-)

I learned how to play dominoes that night. This is when I learned Jennifer's name.

After a few rounds of dominoes, Jennifer took me back to the bar to get my car, and we exchanged phone numbers. She wanted to see me again.

We texted pretty much non stop throughout the week. As of right now, we have a real date scheduled for Saturday.

I ended my awesome weekend of awesomeness at a bbq with Paxton's family.

Right now, I'm in such a good mood. It could be that I spent time with my best friend, his beautiful wife, and their most adorable baby, as well as Paxton's brother and sister in-law.

Or, it could be that there's a good looking woman who's eye I caught, and is as interested in me as I am in her. Whatever the case may be, or if it's both, I don't care. I'm happy right now, for the first time in months.

I feel like I've broken free of Amanda. I even went through my Facebook photos and deleted all the ones of her. There were a few that got to me.

Pictures of Paxton and Katrina's wedding; Amanda was there with me and that was the night we exchanged our first "I love you". But, those are just memories now.

I'm moving on, and it's awesome.

It's been a while, and a LOT has changed...

Back in May, Ava (Amanda) and I took a weekend trip to Newberg, OR and stayed at a bed and breakfast; this was our last "us" thing before she started school.

I made a comment; it was an observation that I made, and I hadn't evaluated the outcome before I made my comment. Said comment ruined the weekend; I almost lost her then. But we worked it out, and I have regretted it every day since.

A previous ex cheated on me; I have trust issues.

A few weeks after Newberg, Ava found a male friend in the church choir she joined with an elderly couple that we both know. The issues I had with my previous ex came to fruition, and caused another rift; even though she's never given me any reason to not trust her. She felt as though I was trying to control her and tell her who she was and was not allowed to hang out with, even though I was upfront with her regarding my experiences. Again, I regret my actions and I have learned from them.

A couple weeks ago, I planned a trip to the beach with Kolby and invited Amanda. She said she couldn't go because of school work but I kept pushing and trying to make it so she wouldn't lose out on the work and still be able to go. I left her place in a huff. Immediately after leaving, I realized how childish I had acted, and went back in to apologize. I thought things were okay.

On the way home from the beach, I got an email from her explaining to me that she does not need the stress that I put on her, as she had enough on her plate with school, work, and everything else she a responsibility to. And that was goodbye.

I didn't fight it; I knew she was right in her decision. The problem is, she is the ONLY person that I've been with that I could picture spending the rest of my life with. I try to be aware of my actions, but there are times that my feelings blind me, and I don't realize how I respond to certain situations. I believe that I've learned to be more aware of my responses; I can't say that I've overcome these problems, but I do believe that I've learned from them.

The first week was real rough on me. The Friday night after our goodbye, she accompanied me to a wedding where she didn't know anybody. We were able to talk and clear the air. After all was said and done, we thought that there was a chance that, when she gets back from Europe in August, we could talk some more about a future. My hope returned.

After the weekend, we had shared emails back and forth, and in the end, it turns out that there is not as much of a chance as I had hoped for. In the long run, we both want different things.

In my eyes, she was all I wanted. But, the fact remains, she has dreams that I can't, and will not, compete with.

She is a wonderful person; strong. I know that once she sets her mind to something, she will not stop until she succeeds. NOTHING will get in the way. I can't emphasize that enough.

I can NOT be responsible for holding her back. As much as I've wanted nothing more than to be in her life, the reality is, I might not be able to give her what she needs. I also cannot expect that she will be able to give me everything I need.

Unfortunately, in hindsight, I took everything for granted; I became selfish. I wanted to be with her for every second of every single day; it was unrealistic to want as much as I did.

They say, "you don't know what you've got until you lose it." I pushed it away.

Now, I am living with the regret of my actions. If nothing else, I hope that I have learned from this. Should I find someone new, I will cherish them. I will do what it takes to understand their needs.

I will NOT make the same mistakes again; even if it means that I will be single for the rest of my life.

Thank you for reading. Namaste.

Week... Uh... Four?

Well, sorry to say, Grace Cam has been discontinued for now. The program I was using, appears to only be a trial version.

Because I can no longer spy on my little hellion from work, I have decided that it would be beneficial to bring Grace to work with me.

Those of you that work for PPS, don't worry, she stays in my car, and I check on her during my two breaks. During lunch, I take her across the street to the Keller Fountain for a quick walk and potty break.

Last Tuesday was the first day of this adventure. It was also the day I decided to get a travel kennel for the car.

I figured I'd be okay getting her to work without an issue... I was wrong.

First, she pooped. I thought she'd use the piddle-pad that I had laid out for her. She would have, had she not crumpled it into a ball.

Okay, I can deal with the poop on the back seat. No big deal. At least until she decided to stand in it so that she could try to throw up on the same piddle-pad.

I had to pull over on the way to work to clean it all up. Luckily, as before, I had a towel in the trunk; all's well. I just needed to do a good scrub, and a shampoo.

After cleaning that mess up, I realized that she had poop on her foot... And, tracked it all over the blanket that I brought for her to lay on. So, I wiped off her foot, and folded the blanket into itself to keep her from spreading it more.

Later, after work, we drove out to PetSmart to pick up a travel carrier. I found one that came with a pheromone cartridge that slips into a compartment in the top of the kennel.

If you don't already know, dogs with anxiety tend to do better with pheromone "therapy". Read about it here.

Wednesday was round two. About 2-minutes before I got to work, I could smell Grace's anxiety. Yep, she didn't even make it ten miles before she vomited. Luckily, it was inside the kennel, thus easier to clean up.

I just don't know what more I can do to make her less anxious. I can't leave her home alone. She will howl and cry, trash the place, and eat a kitty roca gourmet (I found that out Wednesday morning). Yet she can't go ten miles in the car without puking. I also have these calming chewables that she won't have anything to do with.

After several suggestions, I tried using Dramamine. I'd cutit in half, and hide it in a piece of cheese. The first day, it worked. By Monday, she started t notice that there was something different about the cheese, and ate the cheese from around the pill. The same thing happened with a hot dog; she is too smart.

Last night, we went to the park for the first time. It a pretty good sized park with a fenced off portion or dogs to be off-leash. And, it's only about ten minutes from the house.

The idea behind going to the park is to get Grace used to riding in the car. If she starts to see that getting in the car means going to the park, she will realize that the car is no so bad after all.

Well, the first park excursion was interesting for us both. All the dogs at hepark were socialized throughout their lives, and know how to play when another dog wants to play. Sadly, Grace feels overwhelmed by these dogs that have tons of playful energy. She appears threatened and isn't sure of what to do when they come to say "hi". Especially when it's two or three at a time.

So, we stayed at one end and played with her ball by ourselves. Occasionally, one of the dogs would come through to say "hi", and Grace would sniff, and shy away. If it was a smaller dog, she may have followed for a few feet, then turn back.

I plan to take her out at least a few nights a week.

After about an hour and a half, we headed home. It was a little chilly out, so wrapped her in a blanket and set her in the front passenger seat. She curled up and made it home without getting sick. Idea!

This morning on theway to work, I wrapped Grace up in her blanket and set her in the front passenger seat. She stayed calm, and did not get sick.

I believe that her getting sick was a sign of her feeling unsafe. She has a sense of security, and is more comfortable wrapped up. We will run this method for a few days and see if it is the remedy.

Well, we're barely into week three and, I am beginning to see why Grace's last family returned her; she is quite the handful. That is not to say that I am contemplating sending her packing.

Grace has come a long way as I mentioned in my previous post. She has recently been switched to a retractable leash. She really likes the freedom that it gives her. It's not as heavy as the other one, so it doesn’t scare her.

Also with the retractable one, I don't use the choker. She is used to me following behind her as we walk, so she's not startled to the point that she needs to run and hide like she did the first night.

Since we're on the subject of our walks, I have just begun trying to get her to actually run when outside instead of just sniffing around and going potty.

The way I do it is to run up behind her. At first she was scared by it because she didn't know why I was running up behind her. She would then run a short distance, stop, turn towards me, and cower.

Now, I think she realizes that I'm not a threat, and she runs a little further. When she stops, she no longer cowers but, sniffs the ground. She still looks back while she runs to make sure that it's still me.

I've also realized that she seems to be experiencing some severe separation anxiety. On Thursday, I forgot to stop at the store on my way home. Once I got home, I took her out to go potty. I figured once she had done that, she would be okay.

I put her back in the room and closed the door behind me. I expected to hear some scratching at the door. What I did not expect was the howling that she started.

I walked back in to find her standing on top of her kennel. So, I set up my video camera to record her while I was gone.

I was gone for roughly 25 minutes. When I returned, she had cleared off my dresser, pulled things off the back of my door hooks, and pulled some things off my shelf.

After looking at the video, I learned that for the entire 25 minutes that I was gone, Grace was running around the room in a crazed state of mind. I couldn’t see everything, but I could certainly hear it. That howl I mentioned earlier was fairly consistent. She sounded so lonely.

I cleaned up the mess and sat at the computer. I was in Google mode.

The behavior that she exhibited was exactly what I thought it was: separation anxiety. The Humane Society website has an excellent article on this condition that includes tips on how to work through the anxiety. So, I am in the process of trying some of these tips.

On Saturday, we took our first ‘road trip’. We drove to my Uncle Bill’s house to surprise him for his 50th birthday. After about ten minutes in the car, and some winding road, Grace’s stomach decided it had had enough. Luckily, we happened to have a towel in the car, and I was able to clean up the majority of the mess.

Most of the rest of the trip was good. Grace slept for almost the whole three hours. She did experience a little more sickness once we were off the interstate.

My uncle has a big back yard that Grace fell in love with. It is fenced in, so I was able to take her leash off and let her run free when she had to go to the bathroom.

Our time there was good. Grace was balled up on the couch since she didn’t like all the people that were around, but she did well; no accidents in the house.

The ride home was much the same as the ride up, yet she only got sick once. Poor thing.

So, as you can see, Grace has come quite a long way in the last two weeks. We only have to work on her response to me leaving her alone. That will be the most difficult part, but, once we get past that, everything should be just peachy.

Thanks for reading.

Update

I have set up a secondary camera.

Grace will be on a trial run on Tuesday, January 26th.

She will be cut loose during in the bedroom during the day, and we will be able to see her from two angles now. I still need to figure out the best position for the second camera, but like I said, it's a trial run.

Click here.

Fridays on Grace-cam

I just want to apologize to anyone who may have tried to check on Grace for me today. My mom does not work on Fridays, so she spent the day with Grace.

This will be a regular thing.

Thank you to those who check in on her. I know it's not anything too exciting, but it's kind of cool to see what a dog does when they are home alone.

We will eventually get to a point where Grace will be out of the kennel/crate and we will be able to see her more active side.

The First Week

So last week, I talked about the adoption process of my new dog, Grace. That was an exhilarating process.

This week, it's all about her progress thus far. You may recall the note that was passed to me from her previous adopter that outline Grace's progress after a month with them; she learned her name and the command 'come', she would even let them rub her tummy while they watched TV, etc.

Well, it's been one week since I brought Grace home; her progress has exceeded my expectations.

Let's start where we left off:
(Insert ripples and flashback sound effects)

Grace and I spent the first two nights with Amanda up at Council Crest where she lives; she also happened to be house-sitting for a neighbor.

As I mentioned before, I was not planning to take a dog home when I arrived at OHS last Wednesday. So, needless to say, I had no equipment to aide in raising a dog. Luckily, Amanda has a family of dog owners.

We got to the house that Amanda was sitting and set Grace down in the bathroom and shut the door; we had to walk to Amanda's so that we could grab a kennel/crate that her dad has lent to me. Amanda also had dog walking duties of her own to attend to.

During the 30-minutes that we were gone, Grace had made a mess of the bathroom. After cleaning up the mess, I took her downstairs and put her in the kennel with some food and water. It was getting late, and I had to work the next day so, I decided to shower and get ready for bed.

Once in my pj's, I thought I'd try taking Grace outside for a walk. I hooked her up just as I did at the shelter, and carried her outside. She still seemed to have little interest in the outside world. However, we walked around for about five minutes.

Suddenly she stopped walking. So, I called to her and gave a slight tug on the leash; she didn't like that one bit. In an instant, she turned into the Tasmanian Devil from the cartoons and started jumping and rearing and spinning. She didn't stop until we both realized that she had slipped out of her harness.

That trainer's words rang through my head. I was pretty pissed off at myself for "letting" Gracie break away knowing that I would have to possibly face that trainer and admit that I was a failure at dog ownership.

Despite the way I felt, I sprang into action and called for Grace to "come". If you remember, the first family that had her was able to use that command with her. Well, it didn't work for me. It also didn't help that every step closer to her that I got, she ran four. Eventually, she ran up behind the house across the street, where it was dark.

Once I decided to get Amanda's help, and a flashlight, it didn't take long to find Grace. She had ended up around the corner at the bottom of this steep slope covered with ivy and sticker bushes. As soon as she spotted the light (and Amanda spotted her) she took off up the hill.

Because Grace was more responsive to Amanda at the shelter (and because I was wearing slippers), Amanda offered to trudge up the hill after her in her rain boots and leopard print pajamas.

Because she was freaking out, scared out of her mind, Grace eventually reached a point on the incline where she could go no further. She backed up into a bush and waited for Amanda to grab a hold of her.

After that incident, I realized what I did wrong. When training a dog to walk in a harness, it is important to have a back-up plan. In this case, it is a slip-knot method. You hook the clip of the leash to the hook on the harness, and wrap the ‘handle’ of the leash around her neck, similar to how you would set a yo-yo on your finger. If the dog should happen to slip out of the harness, you will be able to cinch up the slip-knot to keep a hold of the dog until you can calm them down.

I have since found a special leash in the box of goodies that allows an easier slip-knot effect, and I use it every time I take her out.

Furthermore, Grace is really beginning to enjoy being with me. The first night back at my house was, likely, overwhelming for her. My niece, Kiara, and nephew, Lorenzo, were over for the weekend, too.

We have learned that for some reason, Grace is not comfortable with Lorenzo. Saturday morning (after the first night) someone walked by the bedroom door towards the bathroom. Grace was cuddled up with me in bed, and perked up her ears, and let out a protective growl; one that is quiet yet deterring. I thought it was cute. Throughout the day, if Lorenzo came into the room, she would growl at him; she even barked at the sight of him once.

In summary, Grace has made tons of progress since that first night:

• She plays with me just before bed, either with her toys, or we ‘wrestle’, meaning I put my hands in her face, and she tries to bite them, and swat them away.
• She has not gone to the bathroom in the house since the first night here, not even on the wee-wee pads. When she is in her kennel during the day, she tears the pads up, and waits for me to get home to go out and go potty.
• She walks with her leash without any trouble, and knows why she is outside; to sniff the entire ground before going potty.
• She understands that I am here for her protection, and to provide her with the love and affection that she had not experience before she was rescued.

There are still some things to work on too:

• She is not comfortable with anyone but me.
• She wants to tear things up, as puppies do.
• She is still terrified of any sound that she does not know, i.e. the wind the other night got her barking, and growling; she is very jumpy.

As the trainer at OHS told me, this is, potentially, a 14-year commitment. I have plenty of time to bring her up to that full potential that I saw that first day at the shelter.

If you haven’t done so yet, please take a look at Grace on the webcam that I have set up. Click here to visit her home page, and follow the link that is there.

Grace Cam is up!

I have set up a web cam, and Grace is the star! I put it up mostly so that I can keep an eye on her when she's alone.

Click here to check it out. (It requires Windows Media Player, I believe...)

Of course, nothing will be showing while I am home, just because she won't need an eye kept on her... :)

Check it out between the hours of 6:00am PST and 4:00pm PST.

The Adoption of Grace Isabella

"Grace was rescued from Tillamook, OR. There, she lived with too many dogs and did not receive enough human attention. In her new home, Grace will need patient owners who understand that it will take her time to adjust to family life. She will need time to feel comfortable in her new home, and get used to interacting with people. Given time, we think that Gracie's personality will begin to shine!" --Oregon Humane Society (OHS)

Grace arrived at OHS in early December from Tillamook. She was one of 107 rat terriers (I will be referring to her as a short-haired terrier) that were surrendered when the breeder was charged with animal neglect.

Grace spent a few days at OHS before being adopted by another couple. When she arrived at her new home, her first instinct was to run and hide under a cabinet in the corner. After one month with her new family, she was running freely around the house, cuddling, and would even let them rub her tummy.

Grace made such wonderful progress with her new family. Unfortunately, they were unable to keep her longer than one month. Grace was returned to OHS on January 10th with a letter that outlined her progress.

On January 13th, I was reading the days local news stories on FOX12 as I do every morning. One story that caught my eye was of a handful of chihuahua's that were being transferred from Merced, CA to Portland. California has too many chihuahua's to care for, and these pups were at risk to be put down.

A young chihuahua named Smeagle caught my eye. As soon as I saw him, I made the decision to adopt; if not now, then soon. To adopt Smeagle would have cost $250. So, I put in a request for an advance in my pay (that I would pay back out of MY money). However, I was denied once they found out that it was to be used to adopt a dog, and not for an emergency expense.

I was pretty upset. That is when I realized that the reason I have been feeling the way I have, and acting the way I have could possibly have been the onset of a depression. I put two and two together, and realized that I NEEDED a dog for therapeutic reasons.

So, Amanda and I drove out to OHS after I got off work. I didn't have anything in mind, nor did I even intend on adopting that night. We walked through each section of the shelter, mainly focusing on the smaller dogs (I live in an apartment, people!).

When I first came across Grace Isabella, she was very shy towards me. As soon as I stepped in front of her kennel, she walked to the back; she was extremely shy and skiddish. I could see that she needed someone to give her unconditional love and attention; I had plenty to send her way. I pulled her card, and gave it to the gal at the front desk so that I could meet with Grace.

As I sat in the stone 'meeting room' with the handler and Grace, I could see so much more of her. It's hard to put into words. She needed me.

I returned to the front after about 10-minutes in that room, and filled out the paperwork.

Several minutes later, Amanda and I were approached by one of OHS's certified trainers. This lady, Laurie, was very... Umm... In your face with here explanations of Grace's personality. I believe that it was her job to make me see the worst possible scenario if I were to adopt Grace. "Grace does not like leashes, how do you plan to deal with that?" "What if her behavior does not change for the rest of her expected 14-years with you? You do realize that this is a long-term commitment that could last for that long, right?" Stuff like that. She also informed us of the reason that Grace was returned by her recent family. She said it was behavioral, and that Grace was not making much progress, and that it was likely that she wouldn't make much progress.

Then, she wanted to see how I did with Grace, and attempting to get her into a harness and leash. So, back to the stone 'meeting room'. After fumbling around with the stupid harness (it was only difficult to see which way it went), I got it on her correctly, and hooked her onto a leash. Next, we went outside to see how I interact with her 'shut-down' behavior. I did just fine, I was calm, and patient. I believe that trainer started to see that I was intent on taking this dog home that night, and that I was going to give her all I had.

We went back inside, bid adieu to the trainer, and the rest of the wait began.

Okay, it wasn't that long a wait. We met with the adoption consultant and went over Graces short medical history, and the progress she made with her previous adopters. This is where I learned that Grace not returned for the reasons that the trainer told us, but because they were preparing to put their house up for sale, and that they were unable to add that to their plate with Grace.

That is when I really realized the true potential that Grace possessed. In the month that they had her, she had learned the command "come," to call her to their side, as well as "kennel," to get her into her kennel at night, and when they were leaving. They also outlined the things that she was not so clear on, such as going to the bathroom. She would go outside at times, if they were able to get the leash on her, and other times she would go on her Piddle Pads. Of course, Grace also had accidents on the carpet at times.

I didn't let any of that deter me. I was ready to sign the papers and pay the fee so I could take my new friend home. And, that we did.

Next week, I intend to post an update you with some highlights (and lowlights) of her first week with me.