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My Awesome Weekend of Awesomeness

To start, I had an EXCELLENT weekend.

My best friend, Paxton, his wife, Katrina, and their 6-month old daughter, Paxton Charlotte, were in town from Oklahoma; I've known Paxton since third grade.

We spent a day at the coast. We started off in Tillamook, at the cheese factory. We then crawled up to Canon Beach, walked out by Haystack Rock, and spent a little while there. It was absolutely beautiful out there and I was very happy that I was able to do it. I've needed it.

Next we stopped in at Mo's for dinner. Mmmmm... Clam chowder.

We ended the day in Seaside and walked around downtown for a little while and headed home.

We then had boys night scheduled. Paxton, his brother, Frank, and I bought a bottle of rum and played poker for quite some time. I finally talked them into karaoke at McQueens.

I did my first song, Toby Keith - Stays in Mexico. I was known the rest if the night as Toby Keith guy.

I put in for my next song, Thunder Rolls. It was getting late (for married guys and daddies) so I took the boys home after that song.

There was a trio of friends sitting near the entrance. One was a Michael Clarke Duncan look alike; I found out later that he used to be a bouncer. Shortly after we got to the bar, he asked us if we were going to sing, shook or hands and gave us "bro hugs". Cool guy.

On our way out of the bar the group called out to us to the effect of "where you going?" I told them I had to get the kids home and that I'd be back. Ten minutes later, I returned.

It was about 12:30 by now. I put in for one more song, Friends In Low Places the live version. After rocking that, I sat back and enjoyed the rest of the performances till they closed down karaoke.

I stepped out the back door to have a smoke; I do that when I drink. The big guy was dancing along with several other patrons so I took a few candid pictures. The big guy asked to take some pics for me so I stayed outside smoking.

This cute gal, big guys friend, came out for a picture opportunity. She put her arms around me and I could feel her staring at me with expectation. I looked and she was all puckered up so I gave her a kiss for the picture. After seeing the result, I said, "we can do better." So we did. Probably the craziest thing I'd ever done; make out with a complete stranger.

She had to go back in to pay her tab so I stuck around to at least say good night, cuz I'm a gentleman like that.

I stood outside and chit chatted with her friends; I found out big guys name is also Michael. He even joked that he was little Mike and I was big Mike.

This lady, with whom I made out with five minutes earlier, returned. She asked if I wanted to go back to big Mikes place and play some bones. I didn't know what that was at the time... So they told me and I said, "what the hell. Let's do it." That ended up being the craziest thing I'd ever done; going to a stranger's house. I even joked about wanting them to promise not to murder me; I've seen a lot of movies. :-)

I learned how to play dominoes that night. This is when I learned Jennifer's name.

After a few rounds of dominoes, Jennifer took me back to the bar to get my car, and we exchanged phone numbers. She wanted to see me again.

We texted pretty much non stop throughout the week. As of right now, we have a real date scheduled for Saturday.

I ended my awesome weekend of awesomeness at a bbq with Paxton's family.

Right now, I'm in such a good mood. It could be that I spent time with my best friend, his beautiful wife, and their most adorable baby, as well as Paxton's brother and sister in-law.

Or, it could be that there's a good looking woman who's eye I caught, and is as interested in me as I am in her. Whatever the case may be, or if it's both, I don't care. I'm happy right now, for the first time in months.

I feel like I've broken free of Amanda. I even went through my Facebook photos and deleted all the ones of her. There were a few that got to me.

Pictures of Paxton and Katrina's wedding; Amanda was there with me and that was the night we exchanged our first "I love you". But, those are just memories now.

I'm moving on, and it's awesome.

It's been a while, and a LOT has changed...

Back in May, Ava (Amanda) and I took a weekend trip to Newberg, OR and stayed at a bed and breakfast; this was our last "us" thing before she started school.

I made a comment; it was an observation that I made, and I hadn't evaluated the outcome before I made my comment. Said comment ruined the weekend; I almost lost her then. But we worked it out, and I have regretted it every day since.

A previous ex cheated on me; I have trust issues.

A few weeks after Newberg, Ava found a male friend in the church choir she joined with an elderly couple that we both know. The issues I had with my previous ex came to fruition, and caused another rift; even though she's never given me any reason to not trust her. She felt as though I was trying to control her and tell her who she was and was not allowed to hang out with, even though I was upfront with her regarding my experiences. Again, I regret my actions and I have learned from them.

A couple weeks ago, I planned a trip to the beach with Kolby and invited Amanda. She said she couldn't go because of school work but I kept pushing and trying to make it so she wouldn't lose out on the work and still be able to go. I left her place in a huff. Immediately after leaving, I realized how childish I had acted, and went back in to apologize. I thought things were okay.

On the way home from the beach, I got an email from her explaining to me that she does not need the stress that I put on her, as she had enough on her plate with school, work, and everything else she a responsibility to. And that was goodbye.

I didn't fight it; I knew she was right in her decision. The problem is, she is the ONLY person that I've been with that I could picture spending the rest of my life with. I try to be aware of my actions, but there are times that my feelings blind me, and I don't realize how I respond to certain situations. I believe that I've learned to be more aware of my responses; I can't say that I've overcome these problems, but I do believe that I've learned from them.

The first week was real rough on me. The Friday night after our goodbye, she accompanied me to a wedding where she didn't know anybody. We were able to talk and clear the air. After all was said and done, we thought that there was a chance that, when she gets back from Europe in August, we could talk some more about a future. My hope returned.

After the weekend, we had shared emails back and forth, and in the end, it turns out that there is not as much of a chance as I had hoped for. In the long run, we both want different things.

In my eyes, she was all I wanted. But, the fact remains, she has dreams that I can't, and will not, compete with.

She is a wonderful person; strong. I know that once she sets her mind to something, she will not stop until she succeeds. NOTHING will get in the way. I can't emphasize that enough.

I can NOT be responsible for holding her back. As much as I've wanted nothing more than to be in her life, the reality is, I might not be able to give her what she needs. I also cannot expect that she will be able to give me everything I need.

Unfortunately, in hindsight, I took everything for granted; I became selfish. I wanted to be with her for every second of every single day; it was unrealistic to want as much as I did.

They say, "you don't know what you've got until you lose it." I pushed it away.

Now, I am living with the regret of my actions. If nothing else, I hope that I have learned from this. Should I find someone new, I will cherish them. I will do what it takes to understand their needs.

I will NOT make the same mistakes again; even if it means that I will be single for the rest of my life.

Thank you for reading. Namaste.

Week... Uh... Four?

Well, sorry to say, Grace Cam has been discontinued for now. The program I was using, appears to only be a trial version.

Because I can no longer spy on my little hellion from work, I have decided that it would be beneficial to bring Grace to work with me.

Those of you that work for PPS, don't worry, she stays in my car, and I check on her during my two breaks. During lunch, I take her across the street to the Keller Fountain for a quick walk and potty break.

Last Tuesday was the first day of this adventure. It was also the day I decided to get a travel kennel for the car.

I figured I'd be okay getting her to work without an issue... I was wrong.

First, she pooped. I thought she'd use the piddle-pad that I had laid out for her. She would have, had she not crumpled it into a ball.

Okay, I can deal with the poop on the back seat. No big deal. At least until she decided to stand in it so that she could try to throw up on the same piddle-pad.

I had to pull over on the way to work to clean it all up. Luckily, as before, I had a towel in the trunk; all's well. I just needed to do a good scrub, and a shampoo.

After cleaning that mess up, I realized that she had poop on her foot... And, tracked it all over the blanket that I brought for her to lay on. So, I wiped off her foot, and folded the blanket into itself to keep her from spreading it more.

Later, after work, we drove out to PetSmart to pick up a travel carrier. I found one that came with a pheromone cartridge that slips into a compartment in the top of the kennel.

If you don't already know, dogs with anxiety tend to do better with pheromone "therapy". Read about it here.

Wednesday was round two. About 2-minutes before I got to work, I could smell Grace's anxiety. Yep, she didn't even make it ten miles before she vomited. Luckily, it was inside the kennel, thus easier to clean up.

I just don't know what more I can do to make her less anxious. I can't leave her home alone. She will howl and cry, trash the place, and eat a kitty roca gourmet (I found that out Wednesday morning). Yet she can't go ten miles in the car without puking. I also have these calming chewables that she won't have anything to do with.

After several suggestions, I tried using Dramamine. I'd cutit in half, and hide it in a piece of cheese. The first day, it worked. By Monday, she started t notice that there was something different about the cheese, and ate the cheese from around the pill. The same thing happened with a hot dog; she is too smart.

Last night, we went to the park for the first time. It a pretty good sized park with a fenced off portion or dogs to be off-leash. And, it's only about ten minutes from the house.

The idea behind going to the park is to get Grace used to riding in the car. If she starts to see that getting in the car means going to the park, she will realize that the car is no so bad after all.

Well, the first park excursion was interesting for us both. All the dogs at hepark were socialized throughout their lives, and know how to play when another dog wants to play. Sadly, Grace feels overwhelmed by these dogs that have tons of playful energy. She appears threatened and isn't sure of what to do when they come to say "hi". Especially when it's two or three at a time.

So, we stayed at one end and played with her ball by ourselves. Occasionally, one of the dogs would come through to say "hi", and Grace would sniff, and shy away. If it was a smaller dog, she may have followed for a few feet, then turn back.

I plan to take her out at least a few nights a week.

After about an hour and a half, we headed home. It was a little chilly out, so wrapped her in a blanket and set her in the front passenger seat. She curled up and made it home without getting sick. Idea!

This morning on theway to work, I wrapped Grace up in her blanket and set her in the front passenger seat. She stayed calm, and did not get sick.

I believe that her getting sick was a sign of her feeling unsafe. She has a sense of security, and is more comfortable wrapped up. We will run this method for a few days and see if it is the remedy.

Well, we're barely into week three and, I am beginning to see why Grace's last family returned her; she is quite the handful. That is not to say that I am contemplating sending her packing.

Grace has come a long way as I mentioned in my previous post. She has recently been switched to a retractable leash. She really likes the freedom that it gives her. It's not as heavy as the other one, so it doesn’t scare her.

Also with the retractable one, I don't use the choker. She is used to me following behind her as we walk, so she's not startled to the point that she needs to run and hide like she did the first night.

Since we're on the subject of our walks, I have just begun trying to get her to actually run when outside instead of just sniffing around and going potty.

The way I do it is to run up behind her. At first she was scared by it because she didn't know why I was running up behind her. She would then run a short distance, stop, turn towards me, and cower.

Now, I think she realizes that I'm not a threat, and she runs a little further. When she stops, she no longer cowers but, sniffs the ground. She still looks back while she runs to make sure that it's still me.

I've also realized that she seems to be experiencing some severe separation anxiety. On Thursday, I forgot to stop at the store on my way home. Once I got home, I took her out to go potty. I figured once she had done that, she would be okay.

I put her back in the room and closed the door behind me. I expected to hear some scratching at the door. What I did not expect was the howling that she started.

I walked back in to find her standing on top of her kennel. So, I set up my video camera to record her while I was gone.

I was gone for roughly 25 minutes. When I returned, she had cleared off my dresser, pulled things off the back of my door hooks, and pulled some things off my shelf.

After looking at the video, I learned that for the entire 25 minutes that I was gone, Grace was running around the room in a crazed state of mind. I couldn’t see everything, but I could certainly hear it. That howl I mentioned earlier was fairly consistent. She sounded so lonely.

I cleaned up the mess and sat at the computer. I was in Google mode.

The behavior that she exhibited was exactly what I thought it was: separation anxiety. The Humane Society website has an excellent article on this condition that includes tips on how to work through the anxiety. So, I am in the process of trying some of these tips.

On Saturday, we took our first ‘road trip’. We drove to my Uncle Bill’s house to surprise him for his 50th birthday. After about ten minutes in the car, and some winding road, Grace’s stomach decided it had had enough. Luckily, we happened to have a towel in the car, and I was able to clean up the majority of the mess.

Most of the rest of the trip was good. Grace slept for almost the whole three hours. She did experience a little more sickness once we were off the interstate.

My uncle has a big back yard that Grace fell in love with. It is fenced in, so I was able to take her leash off and let her run free when she had to go to the bathroom.

Our time there was good. Grace was balled up on the couch since she didn’t like all the people that were around, but she did well; no accidents in the house.

The ride home was much the same as the ride up, yet she only got sick once. Poor thing.

So, as you can see, Grace has come quite a long way in the last two weeks. We only have to work on her response to me leaving her alone. That will be the most difficult part, but, once we get past that, everything should be just peachy.

Thanks for reading.

Update

I have set up a secondary camera.

Grace will be on a trial run on Tuesday, January 26th.

She will be cut loose during in the bedroom during the day, and we will be able to see her from two angles now. I still need to figure out the best position for the second camera, but like I said, it's a trial run.

Click here.

Fridays on Grace-cam

I just want to apologize to anyone who may have tried to check on Grace for me today. My mom does not work on Fridays, so she spent the day with Grace.

This will be a regular thing.

Thank you to those who check in on her. I know it's not anything too exciting, but it's kind of cool to see what a dog does when they are home alone.

We will eventually get to a point where Grace will be out of the kennel/crate and we will be able to see her more active side.